I meant to write this blog last night, but, seriously, I forgot.
Like, not just forgot — but forgot that I even wanted to write it.
Something is seriously f’king wrong with me.
For the past few weeks — like 5 weeks — I have been bleeding (I’ll simply link here to spare you the in-blog details). Now, I’m not actually supposed to be bleeding. See, back in January, I had
a prophylactic bilateral salpingo oophorectomy my lady parts removed. I had all the parts that would make a woman bleed, from down there, removed so I shouldn’t be bleeding. And, yet, here I was.
I finally went to the doctor and she put me on
another a new hormone pill which would supposedly stop the bleeding. In fact, one of the reasons I am taking daily hormones is to help curb some of the side effects of menopause, especially to ease the adjustment from immediate surgical menopause.
Some of the symptoms I — and others — may feel include weight gain (especially in the mid-section; check), moodiness, hot flashes, fatigue, and … what was the other one … oh, right, memory loss.
Now, what you can’t tell just by looking it me is that I have a ridiculously amazing memory. It’s seriously good. I remember everything. I remember names, faces, experiences. I remember people’s family members, the stories they have told about them, where those family members have gone to school, and any major information about them. It’s good.
So, when I started to not just forget, but even forget that I had remembered, yesterday, I was really upset. I felt like I should have woken up from a bad dream, all day.
8:10am: I brought my daughter to the bus stop, and she, at that moment, realized she had not done her homework. She pulled out the worksheet that had her math problems, and she began to ask me questions. On any other day, I would have put on my teacher hat and walked through the process with her. That morning, I didn’t even know what the question on this 3rd grade math sheet was asking me. It wasn’t that I forgot how to solve it, I just didn’t even know that I knew how to answer it. Get it? Not yet? Me neither.
8:45am: my co-worker brought in some replacement labels for my multi-line phone. On each of the little rectangles were the names and numbers of my colleagues. “Kevin?” I asked. “Who’s Kevin?” I couldn’t figure out who this person was. My co-worker laughed. She thought I was joking. “No, really, who’s Kevin?” (Kevin is a long-time friend, colleague and classmate of mine). She reminded me who Kevin was, and I laughed it off ….until she handed me a rectangle that said “Amanda.” Only 10 seconds had passed and I had already forgotten my embarrassment. “Who’s Amanda?”I said. I looked up and saw a combination of amusement+confusion on her face. “No, really,” I asked again. “Who’s Amanda?” Right. She’s the angel I just hired as the Assistant Director — the one I have been bragging about for weeks.
9:30am: my co-worker came back in for me to sign some papers. “Oh, look,” she said glancing out the window. Looks like Campus Police are about to ticket cars. “Oh, no!” I replied. “I have Jorge’s car today. Do you think they’ll ticket it?”
11:30am: feeling like I was off of my game, I decided to email my professor and confirm a meeting we were having. “What time shall we meet tomorrow?” I typed. “Tomorrow? We aren’t meeting tomorrow. We are meeting on Friday,” he typed back. I began to type and smirk, “Um, Prof…. it IS friday” but then I thought, “Wait? Is it Friday? I don’t actually KNOW if tomorrow is Friday? Huh? Is itFridayIcan’tTellwhat’sGoingonrightNow..”
2:45pm: I packed up my belongings and began to leave the office for a dentist appointment. “Don’t forget that you have Jorge’s car today, Liza,” said my co-worker. I looked at her suspiciously — in a side-eye kinda way. “How.Did.You.Know.I.Had.Jorge’s.Car?” You told me this morning. “No, I didn’t.” Yes, Liza. You did. Remember, the whole thing about parking and ticketing? “Nope.”
4:00pm: made a list of about 10 things I needed to pick up from the store. Got to the store and realized I had forgotten the list. Left with 10 things I totally didn’t need at all (including a toe-nail clipper. #wtf)
5:00pm: drove home from the store. totally missed my street. then couldn’t figure out where i was.
5:15pm: made it home. took off my boots. threw my jacket over the chair. Kissed Joli. Kissed Jada. …. Kissed …. shit. I forgot to pick up Evan.
5:16pm: went to pick up Evan.
6:00pm: ate dinner. fell asleep.
7:30pm: totally was going to blog.
7:31pm: forgot I even thought I was going to blog.
8:30pm: opened the flap of the plastic blue envelope; pushed against the round, peach pill and popped it out the back of the thin aluminum protective backing
8:31pm: Another day. Another hormone.
Peace, love, and living in 2-D,