Some of life’s best outcomes happen as a result of being afraid — and going for it.
In the summer 2012, my cancer survivor daughter went to Girls Rock Campaign Boston for a week. She was terrified. She hadn’t played the keyboards beyond learning a few notes, hadn’t gone to a camp in another town, and was worried if the girls would notice her prosthetic eye. When we pulled up to the doors, we were greeted by lots of women, tattoos up and down their arms, electric guitars and drum sticks in hand, and incredible energy. By the time she left that camp 5 days later, my daughter was on stage playing her first gig.
If you’ve been following this blog for a while, you know that the past few years have been a series of scary decisions for me: cancer prevention, bilateral mastectomy, doctoral program, parenting, public speaking, auditioning, putting out solo tracks, running, body image — to name a few. And, in many ways, even just writing those down for everyone to read has been terrifying. Most of my life, I’ve been obsessed with what others thought of me, and blogging under my real name has been my way of overcoming those fears.
For years, I knew I was a singer. And, I have written about my own struggles with confidence.
This past weekend, I had the incredible gift of participating in Ladies Rock Camp Boston — an unbelievable experience where women come together to encourage one another, build each other up, and support the hell out of each other. Nearly all of the women attend camp without having any instrumental experience, lots of fears and self-doubt, and looking for a community where people believe in them.
This weekend, I was one of them.
It brings me to tears (no, not just the post-gig-buzz talking) when I think of what this weekend has done for all involved. Personally, I was surrounded by the most loving, kind, and kick@ss women I have ever met. Socially just. Inclusive. Beautiful. Strong. Fearless women. Dedicated to changing lives.
Within three hours of arriving to Camp, we formed bands, learned instruments, wrote music, wrote songs, rehearsed, and became friends. Twenty-four hours later, we were in dress rehearsal.
When I first saw our video, (explicit lyrics y’all!) my old fears and doubts came back:“I look like a glittery sausage.” (body image)
“That rap was corny.” (songwriting doubt)
“My voice sucked.” (singing self-doubt)“Everyone’s going to laugh at me.” (fears of being judged) Well, at Ladies Rock Camp Weekend, I learned to say “F*ck It.” F- all that self-doubt. That hate talk. That loud voice in my head that tells me I’m not good enough to be watched, loved, listened to. That I’m not good enough to be strong, beautiful, fierce, and courageous. I’m done apologizing for all of that stuff — for all of the ways in which I don’t feel perfect, good, strong, and worthy. I’m done apologizing for all the ways in which I get in my own way. Because, Ladies, we all believe, that WE ROCK! Thank you to all to incredible women at Ladies Rock Camp (Girls Rock Campaign Boston). I needed this so much, and I love you all forever. Peace, love and f’ing rock and roll, Liza