I’m having one of those days when everything is just going right.
But, in my life, a day is right when we can breathe, live and love in the way our lungs and hearts were intended.
For over two months now, I’ve been trying to tackle my weight. I’ve been hesitant to post my mental/emotional battle with my weight because it seems to petty, so foolish, after spending the past few years fighting for the right to be alive.
When I trained for my half marathon, I was running and eating in all the best ways possible. I never lost any weight. After surgery, my body had the
pasta, brownies and cookies audacity to gain weight. I lost a cup size and gained 7 lbs. At 8 weeks, I began working out with a cancer exercise specialist, went to the gym regularly, started physical therapy, and began meeting with a nutritionist.
Just last week, I was sobbing in the nutritionist’s office.
I had done everything she told me to do — eat right, exercise, sleep well.
Still, I was exactly the same weight — just shy of 200 lbs on my 5’2″ frame — as when I started.
“How’s your stress level, Liza? Have you been keeping your food log?”
“Ginger, that’s what stresses me out!!” I felt like that Cathy comic strip character in need of a good AAACCKKKK!! Then, throw me in a human sized fondue of chocolate, please.
She made me write down everything I was thankful for in relation to my body.
I am thankful I have enough flexibility in my arms to hug my children.
I am thankful I can lift a bag of groceries that hold good food for my family.
I am thankful I can lay down on my side, snuggle my 2-year old son, and sing lullabye songs with him.
I am thankful I have legs that walk, lungs that breathe, and eyes that see.
I am thankful that I can move my body enough to run, use my mind enough to think clearly, and feel my heart beating when I am excited and happy.
I am thankful that I have facial muscles that smile, fingers that can
play games on my iPhone prepare a healthy meal, and ears that can hear my children’s laughter.
I began to laugh.
But, I wasn’t laughing because I felt embarrassed or petty that I was focused on my weight; I began to laugh at the joy that filled my heart. Life is good. And, all these things made life better.
As we kept going, I began to focus less on me and more on those who help me be the authentic me. A me who knows how fragile life is. A me who knows how important love is. And a me who knows how quickly it can all be taken away.
I am thankful for the many people who have prayed for me, supported me, and even thought of me and my family in these past few years. I am thankful for the surprises I receive in the mail from friends I haven’t seen in over a decade, and friends who I only see for a few days a year.
Is the paper, postage, and envelope worth a heart that feels loved? Yes. I live by the saying, “What will you do today to help someone feel they are loved?” What would you do today if you knew you were loved?
Life is ours to have. Love is ours to give.
Peace, love, and focusing on what goes right,