I’m back to thumb typing, everyone. Back in bed, and just doing my best to get through each hour.
Surprisingly, at Day 10 since my mastectomy, the pain in my chest has really subsided. I’ve regained some motion in my arms — can carefully reach a cabinet shelf, can lift a half gallon of milk and pour with both hands, slowly brush my hair. I still dont have strength to push against my arms (like using my arms to lift out of bed) and can barely use a pen or seal a Tupperware container. Even holding up my phone to type this is starting to get hard.
The mastectomy pain, though, seems very manageable. I wasn’t, and am not, however, dealing well with his drain pain . Let me put it this way — I have not had pain enough, until this point, to bring me to tears. Never cried from the pain of surgery, recovery, or anything physical in the past 10 days. Today, and yesterday, I’m barely hanging on the brink of crying from the pain in my sides.
Now, there is no infection, no redness, nor any fever. I am bleeding a bit on one side but my nurse tells me this is normal. The pain on my other side is due to a rogue stitch and just irritation. But, God, this hurts. And despite actually taking pain meds now (which I had sort of weaned off), I’m getting no relief.
There isn’t any comfortable position — I’ve tried in the upright chair, laying in bed, propped up, standing. Nothing works. The only thing getting me through is reminding myself that I am lucky — that there are hundreds of women out there who are going through the same pain but, likely, they are also on chemo and radiation. To get through, I remind myself of my privilege, of my fortune, to have chosen this. For hundreds of women today, they are experiencing this same pain and hanging on to life.
I am strong. I am alive. And this temporary pain reminds me to be thankful for days that are pain-free.
Peace, love, and 2 more days until my doctor’s appointment,