This weekend was filled with some physical and emotional highs and lows.
HIGH: On Friday night, my daughter Joli and I had the privilege of speaking to a group of high school students from the southeastern MA area. It was the SEMASC (student council) conference, and they had chosen Camp Sunshine as their year-long fundraising organization. Typically, someone from Camp Sunshine’s main office attends with us, but this time we hosted it solo. I’ve frequently written about my daughter’s bravery with cancer. And, yet, I realize that much of the bravery wasn’t a choice. She didn’t have a choice to get 87 Neupogen injections into her little thigh. No choice to have chemotherapy, prosthetic fittings, viral infections, nausea, a bald head. Now that Joli does have a choice to be brave, she is even more of a rock star to me. Joli stood up in front of a crowd of about 500 high schoolers — who, in their own right are an intimidating group to a 6-year old girl — and spoke about her cancer. The speech ended with the kids rising to a standing ovation and chanting her name. The look on her face was priceless — she was proud, humbled, excited, and pleased. She also did everything with such grace.
LOW: The baby and I are sick. Sick, sick, sick. Congested, raw, coughy, stuffy. I’d go on, but the Nyquil commercial captures it all, really. On Sunday, I felt as if every bone in my body was snapping in small pieces. Dramatic, yes. Truth, painfully yes. I look in the mirror and see a grey version of myself; but I look at my son and see an even sadder face. I just want us to get better already.
ANOTHER LOW: I took the risk and went to a support group on Sunday. I had high hopes because I know the importance of being among people who “get you.” I knew I wouldn’t have to explain BRCA or my journey or my feelings. I was really hoping this would help satisfy my emotional need to connect with other women who have had radical surgery to prevent cancer. Unfortunately, I didn’t connect well with the group. Sure, there were a few women who I talked to and who I felt were great role models for me. But, overall, it just didn’t feel good. So, boo for that….
ANOTHER HIGH: I’ve written it before, but I can’t thank my hubby enough for being there for me. He gave me lots of space to experience this support group, and he gave me even more support as I lay totally useless on Sunday. He cared for a houseful of overly dramatic girls and a sick, needy son. He gave into my complaints and groans of “I feel like craaaaaap” without making me feel bad about it. And, he was exactly what I needed this weekend.
HIGH/LOW: I’m feeling a bit better, and I hope to get a run in. LOW.. yeah, just in time for 4-8 inches of snow. Joy.
Peace, love, and hacking coughs,